The booklet of Nicaragua,
a model, a base of discussion
foundation Puntos de Encuentro (Points of Meeting) of Nicaragua is a feminist
centre of education, investigation and communication, whose programs aim at
checking the unequal relations of being able and violence in the everyday life.
It directs its actions to fight
de Encuentro worked out a booklet "
Of man with man " (7 things whom any man must know to avoid a disaster in
his relations with the women). This folder is
a thought on what the men can do to avoid violence and thus to give the best of
themselves in their couple.
“For men with men” the
7 things which any man must know
The real problem is machismo. Don’t
let it dominate you.
Like men, we don’t like that nothing nor nobody dominates
us, but without us to give an account of it, we almost let ourselves control by
the machismo. Since very young, one
inculcates to us that the women must deal with the men:
have to serve us the meal, to do our washing…"understand" us,
and to support our machismo.
We like to feel superiors. But reality is that they have the
same dignity and authority that us, and today they are less incline with being
treated like inferior beings. The
machismo is disastrous for our relations with the women. Indeed, if she
"does not obey us ", much among us are seen trying to use violence and
to maltreat it.
Use violence makes only things worse
Violence does not make us more strong, on the contrary, it
weakens us. We can believe that that " went " because she " was
calmed " or " obeys ". To maltreat our partner brings only
additional problems and conflicts. Our family will be afraid of us, mistrust,
and even of hatred. Our family does not have to support our violence and ill
One day, they can leave
us and even, if it is necessary, denounce us to the police force.
Violence on women is not tolerated any more in our country
Times are changing. The whole world proclaim high and loud
"stop violence on the women and the children! ".
A man who strikes and maltreats his wife is criticized today by the
society. It is a shame and an
offence! Since 1996, we have Law
230, punishing not only physical violence, but also psychological violence
within families. A violent man can see himself confronting with justice and
finishing out of his home or in prison.
To be a responsible man means….
The machismo led practically all of us to an unspecified kind
of ill treatment towards a woman. Because violence is not only to strike his
wife, it is also to control her,
to insult her, to ignore her, to make her feel inferior. But
after having done it, we try to defend us, to deny it and to minimize it.
"I did not do anything, she invents ". " I hardly touched her". Sometimes, we shift the
blame on her: " She provoked me ". To be responsible men, we
It is worth : your life will be better if you help to create a sure and
interdependent home environment.
In an interdependent environment, people support and take
care to each other. In a sure
environment, one feels free to express oneself, without fear of being made
strike. If we, the men, contribute
to create this environment in our houses, we will reward of it. We will face the
economic difficulties under better conditions.
One will speak well about us. Our children will rely on us.
We will feel proud…
Today or never: to rebuild the country and our lives depends on treating the
women on an equal footing.
The situation of the country and in our houses is difficult.
Everyone is trying to go on after the hard blows of Mitch.
To rebuild the country, it is not only to start again to build houses and
bridges. We, the men, we can also
think of rebuilding our relations with the women in our lives, by exchanging
selfishness male chauvinist against solidarity, by exchanging
To prevent the violence made to the women is in our hands.
If we feel on the point to maltreat somebody, we can do what
To recognize our anger, to be able to control us.
is a feeling and violence a behaviour. There are many ways of fighting anger.
Violence is the worst manner of doing it!
prevent that anger leads us to violence, it is important to be conscious of what
we are feeling, to recall us mentally that we must calm ourselves. To arrive
there, it is necessary to be attentive with the signals of the body which
indicates an anger. For example,
when the muscles are contracted. Only recognizing that you are in anger can
already decrease it. If not, you
will accumulate much tension in your body, and afterwards, that becomes more
difficult to control it.
To leave to walk and clear up the spirit.
If at the time of an argument with our partner we are too in
anger, say to him that you need to leave the house during one hour, to return
later and to tackle the problem with more serenity. We can walk and breathe deeply so that the body and the
spirit become "cool ". While you are outside, leaves every negative
thought on the side. Calm yourself,
breathes the fresh air, and try to see the things more positively. When you come
back, ask your partner if she wishes to discuss to try to solve the problem.
To drink is not the solution.
To drink will not solve our conflicts, on the contrary that
will worsen them! Under the effect
of alcohol, we believe that we " can do everything ", we are more
easily touchy, we control less ourselves and, we run more risk to maltreat other
To find a person with whom to speak about our states of heart.
if we have shame or sorrow for our problems, to get us closer from somebody who
listens to us and does not make fun of us, that can help us very much. When we speak to someone else, not reject the fault on our
partner or wife. Let’s try to
analyse how we contributed to the problem, and to think of possible solutions
which will take into
To discuss with our partner and to respect his opinions.
To discuss well, it is not only to speak, it is also to
listen. Let’s take turns: first a
person listens attentively while the other speaks, and after we change. This
does not mean to agree with all what she’s saying, but always listen to her
with respect. And when it is in
finish the booklet by comparing the hurricane " Mitch " and violence
made to the women like two national disasters.
According to an investigation, 3 people out of 5 in the areas touched by
" Mitch ", think that the violence made to the women stagnates or has
augmented after the hurricane.
They complete with the slogan "LET’S PREVENT THAT A
DISASTER INCREASES ANOTHER DISASTER ".
booklet forms part of an educational campaign " Violence on women: A
disaster that we, men, can prevent ", which is the first massive
campaign on violence, directed specifically to the men of Nicaragua. The
campaign had as objective to foment at the men the conviction that they must and
can prevent violence towards their wives.
Also, the campaign promotes the recognition which conjugal
violence deteriorates the situation of the families and harm to the rebuilding
of the country.