Student Introduction
Overview
Everyone knows being a teen is not easy. Adolescence is a
transitional period during which we strive to define ourselves, our
likes and dislikes, and our personal limits. The pressure to conform to
the varying expectations of parents, peers, friends, movies, television,
music, and educators is great. These expectations and standards of
"normalcy" are often conflicting and confusing. Teen role
models in the media, for example, are presented as socially and sexually
active beings--a standard that often conflicts with parental upbringing
or our own desires. At the same time as we are told to act like adults,
we don't have the respect, rights, or responsibilities of adults.
While the teen years have been romanticized as a time of innocent
love, for many of us it is beset with violence and abuse. Statistics
show that:
-
1 in 10 high school students has experienced some form of violence
in a dating relationship.
-
1 in 4 sex offenders is an, adolescent.
-
Every 17 minutes a sexual assault is committed in Canada. Ninety
percent of the victims are female--half are under 17 years of age.
-
For women between the ages of 16 and 24, the risk of rape is four
times higher than for any other age group.
-
One study of teen attitudes about sexual assault found that only
61 percent of males and 88 percent of females disagreed with the
statement: "It's all right if a male holds a female down and
forces her to engage in sexual intercourse if he spent a lot of
money on her."
-
Fifty-seven percent of rapes happen to women while they are on a
date.
Teens
are particularly vulnerable to violence in dating relationships because
of our exposure to, and acceptance of, gender stereotypes and dating
myths. From an early age, teens are presented with widely-held beliefs
and attitudes about the way men and women should act and interact. Men,
we are told, should be tough and unemotional decision-makers who have
the right to dominate and control women: Women, by contrast, are
expected to be weak and submissive care givers, responsible for the
emotional well-being of others. It is hardly surprising that youth
internalize, experiment with, and act on these traditional concepts--all
too often resulting in dating violence.
Dating violence
takes a variety of forms: emotional, physical, and sexual. The abuse
experienced most often by female teens includes: put-downs, isolation, threats, intimidation, slapping, hitting, punching, choking,
arm-twisting, restraining, kicking, unwanted touching/kissing/fondling,
coercion, and forced intercourse. Sexual assault occurs whenever any
form of sexual contact is made without explicit consent. Consent between
two people requires that both clearly state that they are interested.
The violence that
can ensue in teen dating relationships is often not labelled by teens as
abusive behaviour. It is often seen as a sign of love or caring, rather
than an act of domination. Teens often think that a guy who slaps his
girlfriend in a jealous rage has only done so because he loves her so
much. With our limited dating experience, we do not always have an adequate reference point from which to evaluate our relationships.
Furthermore, we seem more able to identify an act as violent when it is
committed by a stranger than by a loved or trusted person. Contrary to
what we have been led to believe, most violence against women is
committed by a boyfriend, husband, other family member, or friend.
We used to think
that whatever happened in our relationships was a private affair.
Luckily, because of the hard work by women in recent years, we now
realize it is everyone's business if a woman or child or, for that
matter, a man, is being abused in the privacy of a relationship.
However, we still hear phrases that reinforce ideas that men should be
in control. Such beliefs continue to encourage some men to assert
themselves through violence. The combination of such attitudes, fear,
and a lack of alternatives has led some women to remain in abusive relationships.
Guys can be victims
of dating violence. However, in its physical form, dating violence
against males occurs less often, and generally with less severe
consequences. Female victims of dating violence experience three times
as many mild injuries as male victims, two times as many moderate
injuries, and one hundred percent of the serious injuries.
A healthy
relationship involves more than good times and physical attraction.
Although these aspects are important, they do not form a stable basis on which to maintain an intimate relationship. A healthy relationship is a
supportive and caring interaction between two individuals who share
similar interests and values. It is built on mutual respect, equality,
understanding, acceptance of each other's personal boundaries, love,
open communication, trust, honesty, and acceptance of each other's
individuality. If we are expected to build healthy relationships, we
need to develop healthy attitudes about ourselves, about others, and
about interpersonal relationships.
We
Can Make a Difference
It's time for
action. While men's violence against women and girls is pervasive in our
society, it does not have to be a reality. In order for change to take
place, we need to acknowledge that violence against women and girls is a
serious problem and take concrete steps towards ending the violence.
In the weeks
leading up to December 6th, and throughout the year, men and women,
young and old, can:
-
Educate ourselves and others. For males, this education must start
by listening to what the women around us are saying about this
problem.
-
Speak out. It is important to speak out when we read about, hear,
or see forms of violence against women. Silence is tolerance. When
we speak out, we are saying that we do not accept or tolerate acts
that demean or violate women.
-
Lobby for change. The issue of violence against women is as much
political as it is personal. It is imperative that this issue remain
a priority on the political agenda. On an individual level, we can
write letters to municipal, provincial, and federal government
leaders challenging or supporting existing or proposed laws. We can
work in our school boards and join the efforts of like-minded groups
or coalitions working to address the issue of violence against
women.
-
Support women's organizations and shelters. Many women have worked
tirelessly for 20 years to end violence against women. Some groups
provide services to women in need--such as rape crisis centres,
shelters for battered women, and transition houses. Others are
advocacy and political action groups. They deserve our full support.
-
White Ribbon activities provide boys and men with an opportunity
to examine our attitudes, behaviours, and beliefs that contribute to
a climate in which violence against women is accepted. At the same
time, it challenges us to act and promote social change.
Teacher Introduction
Understanding the Problem
of Men's Violence Against Women
The weeks leading
up to December 6th are a time to reflect, discuss, and act on an issue that has a huge impact on all women in Canada: men's violence against
women. It is a time when males--young and old, working people and
businessmen, parents and kids, clergy members, and farmers--from all
religious and social backgrounds join together and speak out on an issue that all too often is defined as an issue only for women.
Violence against
women includes wife assault, date rape, sexual harassment, stalking,
domineering and controlling behaviour, unwanted sexual advances,
demeaning sexist jokes, and murder.
Even though the
problem most directly affects women and girls, many males
too--especially when they are young--witness or experience the effects
of this violence in their lives. White Ribbon activities are an opportunity for you to make a positive change in your school community.
Why does it
occur?
The majority of men
are not physically violent against women. But we live in a society that
raises men to believe that aggression and violence are acceptable forms
of self-expression. Young boys are encouraged to demonstrate strength
and dominance rather than empathetic, caring, and nurturing
attributes--characteristics that are devalued and seen as
"feminine." We forget that the strongest people are actually
the most self-aware and caring. Socializing processes teach men to
equate masculinity with power and urges them to try to control others
who have less power. As a result, some men learn to express their
masculinity by using verbal or physical violence against women or other
men.
Is violence
against women a big problem in Canada?
Violence against
women is everywhere. It is the most common crime in our country. It
affects women from all age groups, religions, socioeconomic classes, and
cultural backgrounds. The threat or experience of violence is a daily
reality for the majority of Canadian women; a huge study by Statistics
Canada revealed that:
-
1 in 2 Canadian women has experienced physical or sexual violence
since the age of 16.
-
1 in 3 Canadian women (29%) who has been married or lived with a
man has experienced violence at his hands.
-
6 in 10 Canadian women feel worried about walking alone in their
area after dark.
-
Every day, girls and women experience sexual harassment at school,
at work, and on the streets.
Has
it always existed?
Research over the
past 100 years tells us there were once many societies with little or no
violence against women, violence among men, or violence against
children. In fact, half of the tribal societies investigated by
anthropologists showed little or no violence. The fact that violence
didn't occur in all societies tells us that violence among humans is not
genetic or biologically necessary, but is a result of the way we set up our societies. These same researchers discovered that those societies
with violence were those in which women were second class citizens.
Where there was equality between men and women, there was little or no
violence.
What is its
cause?
Men's violence against women has its roots in the ways we have historically regarded
women and men. For about eight or ten thousand years, men in most
societies have held positions of privilege, while women have been cast
in subservient roles. In effect, women have been treated as property.
Until this century, women were denied such basic rights as the right to
vote, to pursue a career, to own property, and to pursue higher
education. Even today, some countries still deny women the basic rights
that we, as Canadians, take for granted.
How has
violence been institutionalized in our laws?
The expression
"rule of thumb" might come from a 1767 English law that
entitled a man to hit his wife with a rod as long as it was no thicker
than his thumb. More recently, Canadian law did not recognize a husband
raping his wife as a crime until 1983. In some parts of the U.S., this
is still not considered a crime. In Canada, it wasn't until 1968 that
wife abuse was considered grounds for a divorce.
While Canadian law
on the issue of violence against women has improved in recent years,
rulings continue to be made that, under certain conditions, justify
violent acts against women. As recently as October 1994, the Supreme
Court of Canada ruled that extreme drunkenness could be a defence
against a rape charge. An underlying message of this ruling is that men
are not always accountable for their behaviour towards women. In
legitimizing rape under this condition, the Supreme Court has rendered
victims of rape insignificant and denied them legal recourse.
Where does
most violence against women occur?
We have images of
creepy strangers lurking in alleys, but most violence against women is
committed by a boyfriend, husband, other family member or friend. And it
is in women's own houses where they are most likely to experience
violence.
We used to think
that whatever happened in our homes was a private affair. We've all heard phrases such as 'a man's home is his castle,' and 'father knows
best' that reinforce ideas that a man should be the head of a family,
the one who should be in control. Such attitudes have encouraged some
men to assert themselves through violence. A combination of these
attitudes, fear, and a lack of alternatives has encouraged some women to
remain in abusive relationships. Largely, because of the hard work by
women in recent years, we now realize it is everyone's business if a woman or child or, for that matter, a man, is being abused in the
privacy of a home.
There can be
violence by women against their spouses and, of course, this is wrong as
well, but it is much less common. In Ontario, for example, 93 percent of
charges related to spousal assault are laid against men. In many cases
women were violent only after enduring years of abuse by their partner.
This was true in the infamous Bobbitt case in the U.S. in which Lorena
Bobbitt was beaten and raped for years before mutilating her husband.
What forms
of violence affect young women?
Unfortunately all
forms. About half of all sexual assaults happen to women between the
ages of 16 and 21. Most of these sexual assaults happen in dating
situations.
Some girls (and
some boys) are survivors of child sexual abuse--that is, unwanted
touching or sexual acts performed by a family member, relative, or adult
care giver, most commonly a male.
Most girls experience sexual harassment in school and on the streets. Sexual
harassment refers to any unwanted touching, comments, put downs, or unwanted sexual advances. With few exceptions (such as pressure to have sex), no one action is always harassment: it depends on the context. If
male and female friends always comment on each others' clothes, that's
fine. But if a man stares at a woman's shirt and says, with a certain tone of voice, "nice shirt," it is harassment.
All this, and the
surrounding culture that still has men in positions of social power, has
a deep impact on young women. Canadian women continue to experience the
so-called "glass ceiling" that both limits their opportunities
for advancement and lowers their earning potential. In spite of
affirmative action programs, women are still at a social disadvantage
and form a small minority in many professions. In some professions and
jobs, the situation is improving; however, women in Canada still earn
only 68 for every $1 earned by men.
Why haven't
schools been a friendly environment for girls?
Historically, our
educational system has contributed to the unequal treatment of men and
women. At the turn of the century, experts argued against allowing women
to pursue education-believing that it was too strenuous for their
supposedly delicate constitutions. For example, in 1873, a Harvard professor stated that if a girl "puts as much force into her brain
education as a boy, the brain or the special apparatus [that is the
reproductive system] will suffer."
Until recently,
educational materials reinforced images of women as care givers acting
on emotions and men as breadwinners acting on intelligence and strength.
Primary level stories about Farmer Brown and his wife, for example,
reinforced the notion of defining men in terms of their work and
accomplishments, while defining women in terms of their relationships.
To this day, study after study has shown that teachers call on boys more than girls and that boys take more of the 'air time' of classes than
girls.
Schools remain an
environment that usually still give more attention to boys' achievements: In most schools boys' sports receive much more attention than girls' sports (and more funding). Schools also remain a physical
space that boys control: In the hallways and playgrounds of some
schools, girls are routinely put down, degraded, and harassed. And many
girls still experience harassment from certain male teachers who make
comments about their looks.
How does
the media support violence?
The mass media plays a significant role in shaping the way we perceive and respond to
violence against women in our society. There are many things that we all
enjoy about TV and movies. But at the same time, we often receive
messages that encourage violence:
-
Violence is portrayed as the best way to resolve a conflict. The
main characters in action shows and movies regularly use violence as
a means to solve a problem or conflict--alternative solutions are rarely explored.
-
Violent acts are glorified and presented as 'heroic.' As such,
these acts have positive results and are even seen as sexy.
-
Violence is portrayed as a 'masculine' behaviour. Violent,
unfeeling, and aggressive characters are portrayed as the epitome of
masculinity. The masculinity of such characters (particularly if
they have bizarrely large muscles) is established by the number of
violent acts they commit.
-
The media suggest that some women enjoy being sexually dominated.
Female characters are portrayed as being 'turned on' by 'masculine' aggressors who impose their sexual needs on them. This rape myth
promotes the idea that 'no' means 'yes' --that if a man forces a woman into sex, she will end up enjoying it.
At the
very least, such messages reinforce and perpetuate the societal myths,
attitudes, and stereotypes based on which violence against women is
tolerated. The underlying notion is that women are not only less than
equal to men, but also contemptible objects for men's use. This combination of inequality and contempt fosters attitudes which accept
violence against women.
The extent to which
this stuff influences guys' behaviour is subject to a lot of debate.
Some young men watch a lot of violent movies but have never been violent
themselves. In other cases, however, it desensitizes people to violence and encourages actual violent behaviour.
What about
music, music videos, and advertising?
Music brings us
enormous pleasure. But in some music videos, as in some advertising,
women are depicted as mere objects for male sexual gratification. As objects, they are void of thought, feeling, and individuality. Only
certain parts of their body are important (and certainly not their
minds). The ideal woman is presented as being overly thin (but with
large breasts).
Increasingly, men's
bodies are being used in a similar way to sell products and symbolize
power and glamour. Because of this, many boys and men are now beginning
to understand what their female peers have been telling them. It makes
us feel lousy about ourselves because it sets up an impossible standard
for most of us to attain without steroids and surgery. But there is a
difference: while media images of hunky men might be dehumanizing, they
do not result (as they do for women) in sexual victimization.
How else
does some pop culture feed into violence?
For one thing, in
some images relationships rapidly escalate from attraction to sex. There
is no time spent on relationship building--the key to any healthy,
secure, and fun relationship. As well, women are sometimes portrayed as
wanting sex even when they communicate otherwise.
What impact
does violence have on the lives of boys and young men?
Although males
receive privileges within a society that values 'masculine' traits, they
suffer from the effects of stereotyping and sexism. Men are forced to
deny their sensitivity, compassion, empathy, and creativity--qualities
inherent in all human beings-- or face ridicule.
As well, men's
violence is not just against women. There is a tremendous amount of
violence among boys and among men. Violence is incorporated into our
20th century sports and this violence has ruined the careers of many
promising athletes. Many young men are verbally abused or physically
attacked because they are gay or perceived to be so. (And in Canada,
even though some people don't like it that other people are gay or lesbian, attacking someone who is, is a crime.)
Finally, many boys
and young men are emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by
adults. The abuser might be a father or an adult in a position of responsibility and power. All such abuse is a crime.
In other words,
men's violence against women is one terrible part of a sexist society
that has discriminated against girls and women. Many males who are
violent or sexually harass females, are also violent and abusive against
other males.
Your
Role as a Teacher and
Staff Resource Person
The issue of
violence against women is emotionally charged and personal in nature.
You need to create as safe a space as possible for students to honestly
discuss their experiences, opinions, and feelings. The following points
are suggested as ways to help create a safe environment.
Respect
Teachers and
facilitators need to model respectful behaviour. It is crucial to take
seriously and be sensitive to students' individual differences and
perspectives, as well as any discomfort students may experience in
discussing an emotional, personal, and perhaps scary topic.
Judgment
Be careful in
making judgments. Don't reinforce the stereotypes, for example, that
"boys will be boys" or that girls are powerless
"victims." Keep the focus on the facts.
Disclosure
You should plan
strategies for dealing with any cases of sexual harassment and abuse
that may be evoked by these lessons or disclosed during discussions.
(see Dealing with Disclosure below)
Safety and Ground
Rules
Ask the students
themselves what they need from you and from each other in order to
feel safe talking about sexual harassment. For example, do they
require confidentiality, or do they need the right to refuse to participate? To foster open discussion, lay down ground rules before
you begin each exercise. If discussion becomes heated, remind students
that there are ways to disagree respectfully without resorting to name
calling or insults. To refocus the class, you can ask students to put
their thoughts in writing.
Another way to
create safety for students is to set up a "question box" in which students can anonymously pose questions that might be difficult
to raise in front of peers. You then can read aloud and answer
questions in class without reference to individuals.
Diversity
When dividing
students for group exercises, aim to create groups that mix the
students by sex, race, and ethnic background. Students may initially
feel more comfortable or express that they want to be in sex
segregated groups, but one of the goals of this project is to open
communication across gender, racial, and ethnic lines.
Discussion
Tips
The following tips
have been provided to assist you with class discussions. Keep in mind
that the point of the exercises in this package is to encourage dialogue and self-reflection about dating behaviours and healthy relationships.
It might be useful to review these tips with students to allow more open
communication to take place. If you feel uncomfortable leading a class
discussion on a particular topic, consider inviting someone who is
experienced with the issue to lead the class.
-
Ask open-ended questions.
This is a good way to start and continue a discussion. Open-ended
questions start with: How, Why, and What ("How does this affect
us?", "Why is it an issue?", "What can we do to
change this situation?").
-
Acknowledge different opinions.
When a student introduces a controversial point, try to separate
what is fact from opinion. Should a disagreement occur, encourage students to challenge the ideas, not the students.
-
Encourage lively discussions, but avoid arguments. Because
violence and relationships are emotional topics, people tend to have strong convictions and discussions can become heated. You might want
to consider and discuss why this is happening.
-
Stay focused.
When discussion seems to get off track, try to reintroduce the
original issue being addressed (i.e. "Terry, I think you have a
point there, but can we get back to talking about...").
-
Listen.
Ask everyone to listen to and respect each person's point of view
before responding. It is important not only to understand what a
person is trying to say, but also to allow her/him an opportunity to
express herself/himself.
-
Recognize that there are many views on any topic.
No one view or opinion is correct. The whole purpose of discussion is to share ideas/information--it's not about one person gaining
points or winning a discussion.
-
Don't feel you have to be an expert on an issue.
If you don't know something, admit it. If a student raises a
difficult question, ask if anyone knows the answer. Or, if the
question is important, state, "My understanding is that..., but
I'll have to look into it further."
-
Consider holding single-sex discussion groups.
Divide students into separate male and female groups. This can
provide safety and give girls a better chance to talk. When the two
groups join, make sure the discussion doesn't lead to a face-off or
confrontation.
-
State that abusive behaviour is not acceptable.
At the same time as we want to respect differences, abusive or insulting behaviour is not acceptable. Language that poisons the
environment--words and ideas that are sexist, racist, or biased
against particular groups of people (based on their nationality,
age, sexual orientation, religion, or physical abilities)--should be
challenged. Discussion is great; hurtful words are not.
Dealing with Disclosure
The issue of violence against women may affect students on a very
personal level. The process of discussing this pervasive problem may
lead some students to disclose previous or current abuse or assault. As
an educator, you are required by law to report incidents of abuse involving students under the age of 16 (in most provinces). Your
Board/school policy manual outlines the procedures you will need to
follow in cases of reportable abuse. The following points may help when
dealing with a disclosure:
Find a Safe/Quiet Space
If possible talk with the student in a quiet safe atmosphere, where
he/she will not be disturbed.
Listen
This may be the first time the student has ever spoken about
her/his experience.
Believe
It is important that the student feel understood and believed.
Reassure
Reassure the student that the abuse/assault is not her/his fault.
Inform
Tell the student what types of services and resources are available
in your community.
Tell the student of the process--if Children's Aid/Social
Services/school administration/police must be informed, explain to the
student what she/he can expect to happen.
From the outset, do not make promises you cannot keep such as
"I'll take care of it." or "I won't tell anybody."
Tell the student what information can and cannot be kept confidential.
Activity
4--Look, Listen and Learn
Materials:
Objectives:
Description:
Communication is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship.
True communication is a two-way interaction that involves active
listening/interpretation and open expressions of feelings, thoughts, and
beliefs. When we don't take the time to really listen to and speak with
our partners, we make assumptions about their personalities that lead us
to see and treat them in certain ways.
Effective communication enables us to: share our needs, likes, and
dislikes; receive and give emotional support; define personal
boundaries; and, feel heard and understood. It also enables us to resolve and learn from situations involving conflict. Students need to
understand that conflict is part of a healthy relationship as long as
both partners work towards identifying, expressing, and addressing the
issues. Constructive conflict resolution involves honestly communicating
thoughts and feelings--not winning an argument or dominating another
person.
Open the class by reviewing how myths and stereotypes separate and
categorize us by gender. Explore how the confines created by societal
myths and stereotypes make it difficult for us to communicate
effectively. Explain that communication is a learned skill--that it is
an interactive process involving the use of our visual, auditory, and
verbal skills.
Assign students to play the parts of Yolanda and Emile in the skit
provided in this package. Alternatively, the skit could be read aloud.
Encourage students to consider (as they watch the skit) the
communication styles of the two characters and how they relate to each
other.
Following the skit, discuss with the class the events that took
place. To assist you with this discussion, key concepts addressed in the
skit appear in bold below the lines of the skit in the teacher copy. A list of discussion points also follows. If time permits, consider asking
students to revise the skit to demonstrate effective and healthy
communication skills.
Alternate
and Additional Activities
1. Freeze Frame Role Plays.
Provide students with a dating scenario to be acted out in class.
As the dialogue progresses, clap your hands to 'freeze' the action
and ask students to identify what was being said and how. Then ask
students how they would resolve the situation. Clap your hands again
to restart the role play.
2. Role Reversals.
Provide students with a dating scenario in which a female
character is attempting to say "no." Ask a male student to
play the role of the female, and vice versa.
Teacher
Worksheet
Introduction: Yolanda and Emile have been dating for four months.
Most of the time they get along well. Recently, Emile has been making
more and more demands of Yolanda's time. Yolanda meets Emile at his
locker after school, and the following dialogue takes place.
Emile:
Hi. How're you doing? Did I tell you? We're going to Greg's
place tomorrow.
(Emile greets Yolanda without waiting for a response and
puts his arm around her shoulder.)
[Concepts: possessive behaviour, lack of interest in other,
guy as the decision-maker, body language]
Yolanda:
(With disappointment in her voice)
But you
promised to come to my basketball game?
[Concepts: submissive behaviour, conflict]
Emile:
(Briskly, looking away)
I don't remember saying
that. Anyway, they're so boring.
(Matter-of-factly)
Let's just go to Greg's.
[Concepts: lack of eye contact=disinterest,
demeaning/dismissive behaviour]
Yolanda:
What about my game? I'm the team captain and ...
[Concepts: lack of assertion, personal boundaries]
Emile:
(Emile interjects)
O.K., I promise to go to your next game.
[Concept: attempt to pacify the other]
Yolanda:
(In a monotone voice)
Just like last time, huh.
[Concept: resignation]
Emile:
Don't be such a baby. It's not that important anyway. Besides,
I already told Greg that we're both coming.
[Concepts: name-calling, put-downs, authoritarianism,
respect]
Discussion
Points
-
What happened in the skit?
-
Were Yolanda and Emile communicating effectively? Why not?
-
What happens when communication breaks down?
-
What was Yolanda trying to say? What was her body language
saying?
-
What was Emile saying? What was his body language saying?
-
What made Yolanda's response ineffective?
-
Why do you think Yolanda was like that?
-
Why do you think Emile behaved the way he did?
-
How do you think they could have communicated more effectively?
-
What would be a more effective way of dealing with the
situation?
Student
Worksheet
Did
I Tell You?
(Script)
Introduction:
Yolanda and Emile have been dating for four months. Most of the time they get along well. Recently, Emile has been making more and more demands of Yolanda's time. Yolanda meets Emile at
his locker after school, and the following dialogue takes place.
Emile:
Hi. How're you doing? Did I tell you? We're going to Greg's
place tomorrow.
(Emile greets Yolanda without waiting for a response and
puts his arm around her shoulder.)
Yolanda:
(With disappointment in her voice)
But you
promised to come to my basketball game?
Emile:
(Briskly, looking away)
I don't remember saying
that. Anyway, they're so boring.
(Matter-of-factly)
Let's just go to Greg's.
Yolanda:
What about my game? I'm the team captain and ...
Emile:
(Emile interjects)
O.K., I promise to go to your next game.
Yolanda:
(In a monotone voice)
Just like last time, huh.
Emile:
Don't be such a baby. It's not that important anyway. Besides,
I already told Greg that we're both coming.
Student
Question Sheet
What
Would You Do?
What Would You Say?
Violence in dating relationships is very common. In fact, one in ten
high school students has experienced some form of violence in a dating
relationship. There are things we can do, however, as survivors,
offenders, and witnesses to end the cycle of violence.
Try to imagine yourself in the following situations. What would you
do? What would you say? Provide as many alternatives as you can.
-
If you were in an abusive dating relationship, where would you go
and/or who would you see for help?
-
If a friend was in an abusive dating relationship, what would you
do? What would you say to that friend?
-
If your friend was abusive to his/her partner, what would you do?
What would you say to him/her?
-
If you witnessed an abusive act, what would you do? What would you
say?
-
How much violence against yourself or others are you willing to
tolerate?
Launching
a White Ribbon campaign
Getting
Started
Organizing your own White Ribbon campaign will involve bringing
interested people together, deciding what you want to do, and then
getting other students to help out. You, and a few others, will have to take a leadership role to ensure that nothing falls between the cracks.
It's always best if you can work together as a team.
One thing to remember is that White Ribbon is aimed primarily at
males and is organized primarily by males. In some schools, young women
and female staff have played an important role getting White Ribbon
activities going, but ultimately we feel it must be males who take
responsibility for challenging the guys around us. Although we don't
keep saying so in the paragraphs below, we're assuming that you'll see
White Ribbon as a chance for young men to get involved, although, as
we'll see, it might end up as a joint committee with young women.
Four
steps to getting started:
If you have ever organized anything at school, you know the routine.
Here are a few of the initial steps toward getting things going. After
that, once people are interested, the campaign should take on a life of its own.
1. Talk to your friends about the White Ribbon Campaign. If they
sound interested, plan a small meeting to discuss organizing a
campaign at your school. Think about any student council members,
school club representatives, or teachers who you might want to invite
to this small meeting. This section contains some forms and handouts
you might find useful for this first meeting.
2. Decide what type of White Ribbon campaign you want to organize.
Think about what type of campaign would best suit your school. Talk
about how to integrate it with activities specifically commemorating
December 6. Think how you could integrate it with activities organized
by women. The types of activities you choose will depend on the size,
participation level, and schedules of your student body. This kit contains a number of ideas for activities; however, feel free to come
up with ideas of your own.
Once you have made some initial decisions about the types of
activities your school will host, think about how many people you will
need to help make White Ribbon Day a reality. Make arrangements to
invite any and all interested students to your next meeting. You could
promote the meeting through bulletin boards, morning announcements,
posters, and word-of-mouth.
3. Hold a larger meeting. At your next meeting, you should explain
the goals of White Ribbon Day to new group members, and then discuss
your proposed action plan. It is important to be realistic, that is,
to take on a project that you can pull off successfully. Try to set some concrete goals, deciding what each person will be responsible
for.
4. Now it's time to go to work. With your plans established, the
key to success will be ensuring that everyone who is involved keeps in
touch. If someone can't do something they said they would do, it is
important to find another volunteer. As anyone who has ever organized
anything at school knows, there will always be a few unexpected
difficulties. The key to avoiding these, or dealing with them when
they arise, is communication.
Helpful
Hints: Organizing a White Ribbon
Committee Meeting
-
Identify a Staff Resource Person, if you haven't already done so.
Your Staff Resource Person should be someone you trust and respect.
Their role is to support your activities, act as a liaison between
administration and yourselves, and to provide additional help.
-
Establish when and where your meeting will take place. Ensure that
all participating students are informed about the meeting. Try to
encourage male student participation.
-
Prior to the meeting, remember to go through and photocopy the
appropriate material in this kit to hand out to committee members
(e.g. the Summary of Possible White Ribbon Day Activities).
-
Appoint a chairperson for this meeting. A good chairperson will
remain objective and ensure that the meeting stays focused and
progresses.
-
Designate a minute-taker. It is a good idea to record the ideas
that come out of an organizational meeting and identify the
responsibilities taken on by each member. Your minutes can then be
used as a task checklist.
-
Decide how to get males and females working together. Decide
whether you're going to develop a joint program combining White
Ribbon Day with activities commemorating December 6. You might want
to call your committee the Rose Button/White Ribbon Committee or the
Dec. 6/White Ribbon Committee. If so, make sure that boys don't
dominate, perhaps by having both a female and a male coordinator to
work jointly. Remember that women, young and old, are the real
experts about violence against women. And guys, if the girls in your
school decide to do some things on their own, please respect their
right to do so: since men have dominated our society in the past,
it's important that young women have a chance to set their own
priorities free of us, no matter how good our intentions are. In the
end, this respect is a pathway for working side-by-side.
Summary
of Possible
White Ribbon Campaign Activities
We believe that White Ribbon campaign should reflect the energy,
interests, and diversity of your student body. To stimulate your
thinking, we have provided a variety of ideas for your consideration.
The purpose of the following activities is to promote healthy
attitudes about relationships among your entire student body. The
activities have a fund raising component--we ask that you consider using
these activities to raise funds and support White Ribbon efforts. As the
White Ribbon Campaign is a non-profit organization, it relies solely on
the support of individuals, groups, schools, and corporations. You may
even want to fund raise jointly for White Ribbon and a local women's
shelter or crisis centre. We appreciate your support and encourage you
to be creative in your attempt to raise student awareness about healthy
relationships--schools across Canada are becoming the backbone of the
White Ribbon Campaign.
Please Note: We discourage some traditional fund raising activities
that end up being popularity contests--like paying to have candies, flowers, or other gifts sent to particular students.
White
Ribbon, In the Name of Love Pledge Dance
Encourage students to gather pledges in support of the White Ribbon
Campaign. Those with pledges amounting to more than a designated
amount, say $20, would get into the dance for free.
Film Fest
Host a lunch-hour (or after school) film fest of videos on issues relating to dating violence, charging a nominal door fee.
Presentations should be followed by a discussion hosted by a facilitator.
Red Shirt
Day
Designate a day that students should wear a certain colour shirt.
Those not wearing the appropriate colour would be charged, say, $0.25.
Bake Sale
Invite interested students or a class to prepare goods to be sold
at lunch.
"Name
that Tune" Contest
During the lunch hour or at a dance, invite students to enter a
"Name that Tune" contest. Entrants might pay a small entry
fee. Prizes could include tickets to a school dance, chocolate-covered
almonds, a school t-shirt/pin, and/or chocolate bars.
Reach for
the Top
Host a game show testing participants' knowledge of dating issues.
Entrants might be charged a small entry fee. Questions could be based
on material provided in this package.
Co-Ed
Recreational Activities
Host lunch-hour recreational games that encourage participation rather than competition (i.e. beach ball volleyball, badminton,
basketball, etc.). Teams should be mixed male-female. To participate,
students would pay a small door fee.
Item Draw
Sell tickets for a chance to win a selected prize (i.e. a romantic
evening for two--including a limousine ride, dinner for two, and
tickets to a semi-formal school dance). Local businesses might be
willing to donate items or services for the draw.
Classroom
Challenges
Invite homeroom classes to issue White Ribbon fund raising
challenges to other classrooms.
Morning
Hot Chocolate/Donut Sales
Sell hot chocolate and donuts before classes commence in the
morning. Lock businesses might be willing to donate the supplies.
White
Ribbon Distribution
Make white ribbons for distribution to students and staff. This could be a fund raising and/or an awareness-generating activity.
Fund
raisers
Raise money for a local women's shelter or crisis centre by selling
white ribbons or food e.g. chocolate bars, cookies, baked goods, hot
dogs... .
Guest
Speakers
Invite a representative from a women's shelter, a crisis centre, a university gender issues department, the White Ribbon Campaign, or a teacher or school board representative experienced in gender issues to speak to your school.
The Great
White Ribbon Sign-off
One high school in Pembroke, Ontario created a giant white ribbon
pledge sheet. Male students were invited to pledge their commitment to
ending men's violence against women by signing the ribbon.
Displays/Tables
Invite local women's shelters, crisis centres, youth drop-in
programs and White Ribbon Campaign volunteers to set up violence awareness tables in your school lobby during lunch time. This could be
a large community presentation or a simple display of collected
materials.
Posters
Create posters on the significance of your White Ribbon campaign,
gender stereotypes that challenge traditional men's/women's roles, or other issues related to violence against women. This activity could be
a school-wide contest, a committee effort, or an Art class project.
You might also consider copying and putting up the White Ribbon
Campaign poster or posters produced by local community groups.
Mural
One high school in Chelmsford, Ontario created a mural for their
foyer. This could be created by a small group of students or your
entire student population.
Play/Skit
Ask drama students or other interested students to put together a
play or skit that addresses the issue of men's violence against women.
Announcements
Prepare information suitable for morning announcements that relate
to the issue of men's violence against women. The announcements could
take the form of songs, quotes, and facts.
Handouts
Distribute handouts as an activity itself or in conjunction with
another activity. You may even want to prepare your own handouts that
incorporate material in this kit.
Balloon
Launch
Aside from being fun, this event will help you to spread the
message behind White Ribbon Day into your community. You might want to
make the balloon launch into a contest.
Banner
Create a White Ribbon banner to be hung in your school's front
windows.
Discussion
Groups
Host a discussion group on issues related to men's violence against
women. Students could make classroom presentations or meet in small
groups at lunch/after school.
The White Ribbon Education Kit
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/
http://www.eurowrc.org/ >
Contributions
> Education_EuroWRC
